Super Smash Brothers Humiliation!
by mbrothers
Summary: One host interviews Nintendo's most famous characters and finds out their darkest secrets. By Alex, not Lucas.
1. Mario

Night 1: Mario

"Welcome, everyone, to 'Super Smash Brothers Humiliation'! This is a show where we embarrass SSB characters!" The host said as he walked into the studio and sat down in one of two chairs. He was really young for a host, just 13 going on 14. He wasn't very good looking, but wasn't ugly either. He had brown eyes and very dark brown, nearly black, hair (I'm describing myself so pay attention!).

"First off," he said, still standing, "let me introduce my crew: (note: these are character I won't interview because I don't have the heart to make fun of them.) Our cameramen, Pikachu and Pichu, sound directors, Kirby and Jigglypuff, and people that do a bunch of other stuff, Mr.G&W., Yoshi, Ice climbers, Diddy Kong, Lucas, Ness, Toon Link, and Young Link!"

He sat down and said, "Tonight we will be interviewing Mario character!" The crowd went wild.

"Our first guest is none other than the world famous red hero himself, Mario!"

The red plumber walked out onto the set and sat in the chair across from the host, who said, "Mario, you're sitting in a lie detector chair, that will tell me if you're lying or not by that little light beside you that's INDESTRUCDTABLE!!"

"I understand-a, so it's a like moment of truth-a?"

"Eh… not really. Moment of truth asks questions written ahead of time. I'll ask you the first thing that comes to mind and roll with it."

"Okay."

"Now," the host said, sitting up, "You are married to Princess Peach, correct?"

"Yes," Mario said, not lying.

"So, does that make you king?"

"Well, no, but…" Mario said not lying.

"Anyways, have you ever cheated on Peach?"

"WHAT?!" Mario asked, nervous.

"Well, have you?" the host gave him a suspicious look.

"Well…" Mario was now sweating.

"Well?" the host asked impatiently.

"No, no I haven't," Mario said. Suddenly, the buzzer went off like a fire alarm.

"Oh ho…" the host said intrigued.

"This-a thing's defected-a!" Mario stammered.

"No, it's not…" the host said.

Mario looked like he was about to wet himself.

"So," the host said, "Don't you ever get tired of having to keep saving Peach?"

"Oh, yes-a! I bet a-Link never has this much trouble-a!"

"Yeah," the host agreed, "Zelda can defend herself."

"Plus she's-a hotter," Mario said, before covering his mouth.

The host was amused by this point. "So," he continued, "If you could, would you leave Peach for the woman you're cheating on her with?"

"No…." Mario said, but the buzzer went off again. Mario buried his head in his hands and looked like he was about to cry.

"Well, onto the next guest!" the host said as security carried Mario away.


	2. Luigi

"Anyways, on to our next guest!" The host stated. The crowd went wild.

'He is Mario's kid brother and sidekick, Luigi!" The green plumber came out onto the stage and sat down.

"Luigi," the host said, "What is your relationship with Princess Daisy?"

"Girlfriend and boyfriend-a!" Luigi said proudly.

"Is Daisy related to Peach in anyway?"

"They're cousins, but we-a don't have to worry because-a Peach is either going to a. Kill-a Mario or-a b. slap-a him so hard it-a breaks his jaw and then-a leave him," Luigi explained.

"Too true." The host said proudly, "Now, what's it like to live in Mario's shadow?"

"What-a?" Luigi asked confused.

"Well, he's the mascot of Nintendo and has appeared in plenty of games without you,"

"But I-a saved him in 'Luigi's Mansion'!"

"Yeah, but that hasn't really made you as popular as him. Has such a reality ever angered you?"

"Now that you mention it," Luigi's smile disappeared, "It DOES seem unfair he's considered so great-a when he's done nothing more than-a me!" Luigi stated angrily.

"Also, when he went off, he left this drawing of you," the host said, holding up a doodle of Luigi with the text, "Luigi is a big-a cry baby who-a can never-a be considered a real-a man!"

The crowd split their sides laughing. Luigi's face turned 10 times redder than a tomato from both anger and embarrassment. "If you'll excuse me…" Luigi said angrily as he got up, picked up a HUGE battle axe and ran off the stage yelling, "I'LL SHOW YOU A REAL MAN!!"

" I think now would be a good time for commercials!" The host said.


	3. Peach

Two kids were walking on a beach. Suddenly, obviously fake sharks swam to the shore line. One kid said, "It's the goulious sharks from Gongolianinana! What do we do?" Suddenly, an obviously wanabe superhero comes along. One kid says, "It's Madam Popsicle!"

"Here kids," the wanabe handed them popsicles, "With my popsicles, you can sent those sharks back to Gongolianinana!"

They pointed the popsicles at the sharks and they swam away in an unrealistic fashion. "Thanks, Madam Popsicle!"

"Don't thank me! It was you!"

Back at the studio, the host said, "I didn't think they still made commercials that lame." (I say that every time I see one of those commercials) The audience laughed at this.

The host continued, "Anyways, our next guest is someone we all know for being the naive blonde who always gets captured by Bowser, Peach!"

The princess walked out onto the stage and sat down. She looked like she was upset.

"Something wrong?"

"Oh," she said, "It's just Mario's interview. I never thought he'd be such a pig!"

"Well," the host said, "I kinda guessed that about him in the first place…" He was cut off by the audience laughter.

"Wait!" he continued, "You didn't kill him did you?"

"No," Peach said, "I just broke his jaw with one slap and kicked him out of the castle." The audience laughed at this.

"Good," the host said, "That means Luigi still can." The audience laughed at this too.

"Do they always do that?" Peach asked.

"Yeah," the host said, "They're type of audience that splits their sides over nothing watch." The host faced the audience and said, "Monkey." The audience split their sides over nothing. The host rolled his eyes and said, "You know, I'm DONE writing every single time the audience laughs. From now on, you'll have to judge for yourselves when they laugh! Ha!"

The audience booed at this, but the host continued, "So, Peach, why do you get captured by Bowser so much?"

"Why does he keep capturing me so much?" Peach asked.

"I mean, don't you have some sort of Toad army. I mean, what's the point of all them?"

"Well," Peach said, "They ARE supposed to protect me, but Mario always saves me in the end, so they don't even try anymore!"

"Yeah," the host agreed, "When you got captured by Bowser in 'Super Mario Sunshine', they just ran around yelling, 'Princess Peach has been captured!' They didn't do ANYTHNG!!"

"Right!" Peach agreed.

"Why don't you fire them?"

"Because I know everyone else will be just the same!"

"So," the host continued, "Have you ever cheated on Mario?"

"No!" Peach said, not lying, "I'm not a pig like him!"

"Have you ever had feeling for Luigi?"

"Well," Peach said, "I would like to date him now Mario's out, but Daisy's got him! Do you know anyone who might be interested?"

The host sighed, "Nope. Sorry.

"Why not?" Peach asked, a little mad.

"I don't think there are many guys who're willing to save their girlfriend every Saturday,"

"What about Link?" Peach asked.

"He only has to save his girlfriend every 3 Saturday. Plus, he's already taken,"

"Well," Peach sighed, "I guess I'll have to wait 20 years for Baby Mario to grow up."

"Okay then," the host said, "On to the next guest!"


	4. Wario

"Our next guest tonight," the host said, "is the yellow plumber we all know for being a fat pervert who hates Mario for getting to Peach before him, Wario!"

The fat plumber walked onto the stage and sat down, yelling, "I'm not fat!"

"Neither is Cartman," the host said. Wario growled at this.

"So," the host said, "Why are you so sure you're not fat?"

"Because I'm not!" Wario claimed. The buzzer went off.

"How would you describe your weight, then?" the host asked.

"I describe myself as being very ideal," Wario said. The buzzer went off.

"So," the host said, "Why are you perverted?"

"I am most certainly not!" Wario said. The buzzer went off again.

"Then," the host continued, "Why were you drooling on the cover of 'Wario World'?"

"Um…" Wario thought for a moment.

"Let me guess," The host said, "you were thinking of Princess Peach at the beach."

"I was not!" Wario said. The buzzer went off for the hundredth time that interview. He was sweating like the fat hog he was.

"If you keep lying," The host said, "You're gonna break that."

"I'm not going to break it and I am not lying!" Wario yelled. The buzzer went off twice and then shot out of the chair and across the room, breaking a vase and a window.

"You're paying for all that," the host said.

"Why?" Wario asked,

"You break it, you buy it," the host said.

"How much?" Wario sighed.

"Let me see," the host said, "The buzzer's worth 10,000, the window replacement is 990,000, and that vase's worth 5 million…"

"6 MILLION DOLLARS?!" Wario exclaimed.

"Actually," the host continued, "That vase was a gift from the emperor of China, so 25 million AND you have to apologize to the emperor."

"Twe...twe…" Wario stuttered, "26 MILLION DOLLARS?!"

"And an apology to the emperor of China," the host corrected.

"I DON'T HAVE 26 MILLION DOLLARS!!" Wario yelled.

"You did at the beginning of Wario World," the host said.

"Then I lost it at the end!!" Wario yelled.

"Well, it's not MY fault it was so boring I got bored with it after five minutes!" The host argued, "Anyways, you're going to pay for that ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!!"

The security guards, both huge and buff, grabbed Wario by the arms, one saying, "Sir, if you'll just cooperate, this will be over quickly."

They carried Wario away, who was peeing his pants.


	5. DK

The commercial came on. The narrator said, "Having trouble losing body fat?"

"No," the host replied.

"Well, don't worry. With our diet pills, you can grow skinnier. Body fat can be caused by having children, stress at work, poor diet, and lack of exercise,"

"Wow, fat's caused by poor diet and no exercise. Who would've thought?"

"Body fat grows overtime in the stomach, hips and thighs. Body fat's unattractive and hard to get rid of,"

"Amazing. People consider fat unattractive,"

"Call now and start looking better today!"

Back at the studio, the host said, "What an obvious commercial, anyways our next guest tonight is the big brown ape who steals King Kong's name, Donkey Kong!" The ape walked onto the stage and sat down.

"DK," the host said, "Can you speak English."

"Yes," DK replied, speaking it perfectly without a foreign accent.

"Good," the host said, "It'll make things easier. Now, do you have a girlfriend?"

"No…" DK replied.

"Why not? Diddy Kong has one," the host said.

"Well…. You don't know what it's like! Donkey gets all the fame, sure, but Diddy gets all the girls! It's a chore to keep them off! The only reason he hangs out with me so much is so I can fend them off!"

"Well," the host said, "That explains why he requested to have Young Link as his security guard while he's being the security guard, so he's lucky I said yes."

"I mean," DK said, "its bad enough he gets all the girls, but now he's in brawl! Will this nightmare never end? Anyways, go ahead and try to humiliate me! I dare you! But there ain't anything you can humiliate ME with!"

"Well, actually," the host said, "You just humiliated yourself."

"No, I didn't!" DK yelled, "How?"

"Well," the host said, "You just went on and on about how you can't get any girlfriends while Diddy Kong gets ALL the girls. So, I'm afraid you gave yourself away,"

DK stood up and yelled, "Are you trying to make me look stupid?!"

"You didn't need any help from _me_," the host replied solemnly.

"That's right!" DK said, then realizing he really _did _just make himself look stupid. (If you've ever watched 'Clue', you know where that last part came from.)

DK sat down and asked, "How do you do this?"

"Easy," the host said, "Ask the first personal question that comes to mind and roll with it,"

"Well, I'm not leaving!" DK said definitely.

The host pressed a button on his chair and whispered into it the speaker, "Go to plan B,"

Instantly, Yoshi ran in and said, "DK, they're stealing your bananas!"

"Oh my god!" DK ran to the window and jumped through.

"You're paying for that window!" the host yelled at the ape, "I _just _had it replaced." He grumbled before continuing, "Anyways, reviewers, I dare you to try and guess who the last guess tonight's going to be. Come on, I dare you!"


	6. Bowser

"Before we move on to our last guess, I have something to say; one reviewer said the chair was supposed to be indestructible. That was what the salesman told me, so I sued him for enough to buy a new one, so that was one less debt on Wario's part. You know how cheap and desperate salesmen can get these days. In any case, thank you for pointing that out." The host said.

He then sat down, but in the guest chair for some reason, and said, "One reviewer guessed it would be Bowser I would be interviewing. I'm sorry to say you're wrong," The buzzer went off and the crowd looked confused.

"I'm kidding," the host said, "That was a test to see if the buzzer worked. So, please welcome the giant dragon who keeps trying to take over the Mushroom Kingdom, Bowser!"

"The host sat down in his chair as the guest came out. He sat down and said, "I see you have successfully humiliated 5 of my greatest enemies. You'll have no such luck with me."

"That's what they all say, yet look how they all ended up," the host said, "So, first question, are you married?"

"No, not anymore," Bowser said.

"Was divorce tough on the kids?" the host asked.

"What?" Bowser asked.

"Your 8 kids," the host explained.

"8?" Bowser looked really confused by now, then remembered, "Oh yeah, the 7 Kooplings and junior."

"I take it you don't see the Kooplings anymore," the host asked.

"Nah, they all live with their mother," Bowser said.

"So you married again, I take it?" the host asked.

"Yeah, only this time I got the kid," Bowser said.

"So Bowser," the host said, "have you ever had an army of anything besides weak Goombas and Koopas?"

"Are you getting smart with me?" Bowser demanded.

"No, I just asked…" the host began.

"Now you listen!" Bowser roared, standing up, "Try anything smart with me and I'll shove that chair up your butt!"

The host only replied, coolly, "How charming."

Bowser sighed, sitting down, "I wander how I was able to keep a woman long enough to have Septuplets."

"Beats me," the host said, "So, why do you keep kidnapping Princess Peach?"

"Well… I…." Bowser stuttered.

"You want to do her, don't you?" the host cut right to the point.

"What?! No!!" the buzzer went off.

"That's wrong…" the host said.

"Why?" Bowser demanded, "Is it wrong for a man to love a woman?"

"What would the kids look like?" the host asked.

"You got me there," Bowser said.

"Well, whatever," the host said, "She's free now that Mario's out of the picture. Now you don't have to keep kidnapping her every time you want to put the moves on her!"

"Yeah…" Bowser said, "I just wish you hadn't asked me that."

"Why? Now she knows!" the host said.

"Well," Bowser said, "Now I'm embarrassed… Hey!" Bowser's face turned red with anger.

He stood up, saying, "I warned you not to do any smart stuff. Now you're going to pay for it!"

"Not so fast," the host said, "We have security for guys like you.

"Yeah, who?" Bowser asked, "Your 7-ft. guards? Well, I'm 7-ft. and can breathe fire. Bring them one!"

"Oh, not them…" the host said.

"Hey," Bowser said, "did the room just get really big?"

"Yes…" The host said with a smile. Stomping was heard in the distance and in came an ape so huge, he could put King Kong to shame!

"I'm not bringing in my 7 foot guards," the host said, "I'm bringing in my 7 STORY guard."

"Wh-wh-who is th-that?" Bowser stuttered.

"His name's Emperor Kong," the host explained, "King Kong's father. I call him Earl. Also a gift from the emperor of China."

"How do you get so many gifts from him?" Bowser asked.

"I humiliate his enemies," the host explained, "Now, Earl, this man refuses to leave. What do you say about it?"

The giant ape roared at Bowser, who ran away with his tail between his legs, yelping like a wiener dog.

"Good Earl," the host said. People began taking pictures of Earl, who stood in a picture-taking fashion. The host then threw him a banana appropriate for his size, and he left.

"Well," the host said, "That's all for tonight. Tune in next week for our next six guests. I dare all reviewers to try and guess which two series they are from. I'll give you a hint, there're only 3 from each of the two. See you!


	7. Marth

"Welcome to Super Smash Brothers Humiliation, night 2!" the host said as the crowd went wild. He sat down in his chair and said, "A couple people have guessed I would be interviewing Kirby and Fire Emblem characters. You got Fire Emblem right and Kirby wrong. I will be interviewing Zelda characters instead. I mean, Kirby's part of the crew, right Kirby?"

"Right, Al," Kirby said.

"Anyways," the host continued, "Nice try. Now, please welcome our first guest tonight, Marth!"

The blue-haired prince walked out and sat down.

"Now Marth," the host began, "I find you to be very popular among SSB fans."

"Guilty as charged," Marth said with a smile.

"Uh-ah," the host said, "There are several fanfic pairings involving you I like to question."

"Shot," Marth said.

"One pairing is you and Samus,"

"Well," Marth said, "I ain't goanna happen. I mean, she's a bounty hunter from space, I'm a prince in a medieval land."

"Yeah," the host said, "What about you and Zelda?"

"More realistic," Marth said.

"Link would probably kick your butt for that,"

"He's welcome to try," Marth said.

"What about you and Ike?"

"WHAT?!" Marth asked, looking nervous.

"Well," the host said.

"I…" Marth stammered, "No… not at all." The buzzer went off. The crowd looked uncomfortable.

"Nice," the host said.

"What?" Marth asked.

"I've never interviewed a gay before,"

"I'm NOT gay!" Marth yelled as the buzzer went off.

"Dude," the host said, "I've got no problem with that. Calm down."

"Really?"

"Yeah," the host said, "just don't put the moves on me."

"I wouldn't DREAM of that," Marth said as the buzzer went off.

"Okay," the host said, "That's too far."

"No, no," Marth said, sweating," This thing's defected!" The buzzer went off again.

"It's GOING to be if you don't stop lying!" the host said, "I'm calling Earl!"

"Go ahead," Marth said, "I'm not afraid of him!" He told the truth for once.

"Then get out," the host looked mad now.

"Then stop calling me gay!"

"But you ARE gay!" The host looked furious by now.

"I AM NOT!!" Marth said as the buzzer shot out of the chair.

"WHY DO MY GUESTS KEEP BREAKING MY STUFF?!" The host yelled in fury. Marth got up, scared, and ran away. The host sat there for a moment and said, "Wow…."


	8. Link

"Our next guest tonight is the legendary Hero of Time, Link!"

The hero walked out and sat down in the guest chair.

"First off," the host said, "Let me just go ahead and say you are truly one of my top three favorite characters in SSB, but that doesn't mean I'll on easy on you."

"I understand," Link said.

"First," the host said, "You are the Link from Ocarina of Time, right?"

"Yes," Link said.

"Now, what is your relationship with Princess Zelda?"

"Friends," Link said.

"What?!" the host yelled, shocked.

"What?" Link asked, confused.

"I mean," the host said, "you two are obviously in love with each other! I mean two plus two equals…"

"Five!" Link said.

"I guess they don't teach math in Kokiri forest," the host said.

"Oh, they do," Link said, "I just failed kindergarten four times and first grade twice."

"You moron…" the host muttered.

"What's a moron?" Link asked.

"In short," the host said, "You."

Suddenly, Dark Link burst through the doors, sword and shield drawn.

"We meet again, Link!"

"Bring it on, shadow boy," Link said, as he charged forth into a duel.

"Hey!" the host said, "No fighting in my studio! I think now would be a good time for commercials… Did you just tear my couch?! That's IT!!" the host ran over to the emergency case, pulled out a sword, and joined the duel.

There are some things I'd like to state about recent reviews and would like to reply in this chapter to them.

To Austin b: I couldn't care less whether Marth's straight or gay. I'm just the host. But, thanks for reviewing.

To Elmo 7000: Toon Link and Young Link are on my not interviewing list, so that only leaves three, though technically you're right. Thanks for reviewing.

To FLowershop78: I'm sorry, but I can't favor any characters. I'm going to humiliate to more of my favorite characters, having already humiliated the third. But, I won't make him gay. Thanks for reviewing.

To Fire Emblem Mewmew: Sorry, I don't play Fire Emblem and as such know almost nothing about Marth, Roy, or Ike, so I rely on other fanfics for such a thing. But, I promise not to do any more gay/ lesbian jokes. Or bi. Thanks for reviewing.

To Linkwithredsox: Bring it ON!! And when you find 5 Earls (even though I have no idea where you're goanna find one), my Earl, the REAL Earl, has a little surprise for you!


	9. Roy

"Having trouble not being able to stop writing even though you really want to? Probably not, but we're making a cure for that anyway! Antiwriting!

"With just 60 pills an hour, you'll be able to stop writing when you want to!"

One patient said, "Antiwriting really helped me with my writing problems." His pile of money in the background was obvious.

The narrator proceeded to say, "Most common side effects are liver problems, constipation, diarrhea, sexual and/or gambling urges, headache, upset stomach, trouble breathing, allergic reactions, suicidal, heart failure, and brain tumor. Antiwriting may also cause urine to turn colors, bone movements to take the shape of footballs, dizziness, drowsiness, your bones to turn to dust, and feel 10 times more pain and suffering than child birth. There's a 9 to 10 chance Antiwriting will also cause your writing problems to increase. In the event you experience any of these symptoms, contact your doctor immediately. Do not take Antiwriting with alcohol or if you take any other form of medication as this may cause blood poisoning."

"That's messed up right there!" the host said, looking sweaty. The studio had been repaired from the duel.

"Link and Dark Link," the host said, "are now on… The List!" the audience gasped at this.

"No," the host said, "The list of people who are never to come into my studio EVER again. Along with several other people I don't want in my studio. Anyways, since I beat them…"

"No you didn't" one member of the audience said.

"Shut up!" the host said.

"But you didn't!" the audience member replied.

"I said Shut Up!" the host yelled back.

"But you did-n't!"

"Who are you anyway?" the host asked.

"Francis Ford Coopla!" the audience member said, standing up.

"I thought I told you never to come in my studio until you apologized for making such a crappy Godfather Part 3!"

"It is NOT crappy!"

"Then why did I stop half an hour into it?" the host asked as security took Coopla away.

"Anyways," the host continued, "Our next guest is the red-haired warrior who's from the same world as Marth. Roy!" He came out and sat down in the guest chair.

"Now Roy," the host began, "You seem just as popular among fans as Marth."

"Really?" Roy asked.

"Yeah," the host continued, "When you 'supposedly' died in Babygurl278's 'What lies in the Dark' all people said for the next few chapters was 'Why did you kill of Roy?' and 'Poor Roy'! It got kinda annoying!"

Roy smiled at this.

"But," the host said, "If you're so popular, why weren't you in Brawl?"

"Well," Roy said, "the fans didn't create the game, did they?"

"Yeah," the host said, "but Sonic and Pit were brought in by popular demand. And I don't see any comments anywhere about you not being in it!"

"What are you saying?" Roy asked, now a little mad.

"I'm saying," the host said, "People don't seem to mind the fact you were replaced by Ike."

"I was NOT replaced by Ike!" Roy yelled.

"You were left out and Ike was inserted in your place," the host said, "what do you call that?"

"Replacement…" Roy said bitterly, before saying, "I'm going to go kill Ike now!"

Before the host could say anything, Roy got up, and ran out the door.

"No killing future guests!" the host said, "Whatever, Ike will probably kick his butt anyway…"


	10. Zelda

"Our next guest tonight is the ruler of Hyrule, Zelda!"

The Princess walked out onto the stage and sat down in the guest chair. She looked like something was bothering her.

"What's on your mind?" The host asked.

"Just that the guy I love couldn't beat a 13-year-old in a duel, even with his own clone…" She began.

"Yes!" The host said, "Take THAT Francis Ford Coopla!"

"Who?" Zelda asked.

"No one," The host said, "So, Are you mad Link's too dumb to admit he loves you, even though it's obvious?"

"Yeah," Zelda said, "It was cute at first, but now it's just annoying."

"I imagine," the host said.

"You sure showed how dumb he really is, Alex," Zelda said.

"Ding ding ding, we have a winner!" The host said.

"What?" Zelda asked, confused.

"You are the first guest to call me by my name," The host explained. Haven't you noticed no other guest did? And to let you know, Kirby doesn't count because he ain't a guest.

"What do I win?" Zelda asked.

"You win a Truth Arrow! Now you can make Link tell you how he feels about you," The host said.

"Sweet," Zelda said.

"Anyways," The host began, "Do you think Ganondorf secretly wants you?"

"What do you mean?" Zelda asked, nervous.

"I mean," The host said, "Do you think Ganondorf wants to... you know… um, how to put this gently…"

"You mean do I think Ganon finds me attractive?"

"Yeah," the host said.

"What would give you that impression?"

"Well," The host said, "Why does he keep capturing you and not Link? I mean, in Ocarina of Time, he could have just as easily captured Link as you. Were you unconscious during that time?"

"Yes," Zelda answered.

"How long did it take Link to get there?"

"About an hour…" Zelda began.

"Wow!" The host said, "That is PLENTY of time for something like that to happen. I mean, he senses Link's getting closer, he puts your clothes back on in the blink of an eye, puts you back in the gem and up in the air!"

"Oh my god…" Zelda said.

"Just saying," the host said, "It could have happened."

"Well," Zelda said, "You've embarrassed me just like the others before."

"And I pre-embarrassed Ganon," the host said. Zelda laughed at this.

"See you…" Zelda said as she walked off.

" I think she took it really well…" the host said.


	11. Ike

"Coming soon…" the narrator said, "A fanfic so shocking, so life-changing, if you're reading this you'd better read it… SUPER SMASH BROTHERS HUMILIATION: BEYOND INTERVIEWS! Coming soon to a fanfic near you!"

"Let me just say a few things about that," the host said, "First off, it will deal with what interesting things happen after each interview, if it's even worth telling about. But remember, some of those interviewed will not have a chapter after their review, but I assure you, even the cast will be in the story eventually." The crowd applauded at this.

"Our next guest tonight," the host said, "Is the blue-haired warrior who replaced Roy in Brawl, Ike!" He walked out onto the stage and sat down.

"Now Ike," the host said, "Just to put this aside, are you gay?"

"No," Ike said.

"Good," the host said, "If I put in any more gay jokes, I'm done for."

"What do you mean?" Ike asked.

"Well," the host said, "Don't you notice how many people hated the gay Marth jokes? Like I always say: The reviewers are always right!"

"Yeah,"

"So Ike," the host began, "Are you perverted?"

"What?" Ike asked, sweating, "N-no…" The buzzer went off.

"On a scale of one to ten," the host said, "How perverted are you?"

"One," Ike said as the buzzer went off, "Two… Three… Four… Five…. Six…. Seven… Eight…. Nine… Al right! Fine! It's 10!" The buzzer went off even for that!

"Eleven?!" The host exclaimed. But then realized something, "Oh, now I see why you joined brawl; when you heard of Zero Suit Samus, you kicked out Roy and joined."

"Man," Ike said, "Just when I thought you couldn't embarrass me."

"Hey," the host said, "Two things: One, I can embarrass ANYONE!"

"What about the crew?" Ike asked.

"Oh, I can," the host said, "I just don't have the heart to. Except for game and watch, but I use him for carrying really heavy things. And don't interrupt me! Two, I'm sure there are PLENTY of guys doing inappropriate things with themselves over Zero Suit Samus. Like now, All but one guy from the audience has been in the bathroom since I mentioned Zero Suit Samus. Way to go non-perverted guy!"

"Right on, Al!" the only guy from the audience said.

"Well," Ike said, "See you around, kid."

"Ike," the host said, "Please don't call me kid."

As Ike walked out, Linkwithredsox burst through the door, yelling, "Ah ha! I finally get you for making Marth gay!"

"Let's take this outside," The host said.

The two stood out on the street. The host had one earl and Linkwithredsox 5.

"Question," the host said, "Where did you get five earls?"

"I told the emperor of china your earls kept dying," Linkwithredsox said.

"You liar!" The host exclaimed

"Yeah, well," Linkwithredsox said, "I've got five earls and you've got one. So, it's time for you to pay…"

"Not so fast," the host said, "I've got a surprise for you."

"That is?" Linkwithredsox asked.

"When Earl is faced with a living thing his size," the host said, "He grows twice as big. Since he's faced with five things his size, he'll grow ten times his size!" And Earl, the REAL Earl, grew to 700 feet tall!

Linkwithredsox and his Earls stood there, shocked.

"Can't your Earls do that?" The host asked. Suddenly, Earl roared so loud everyone in L.A. heard it. Linkwithredsox and his earls ran away so fast, they could make Sonic look slow.

"Oh, yeah?" Sonic asked as he ran faster than them.

"That's what I thought, punk!" The host yelled.

A few things before I go, I don't live in L.A, but what live show ISN'T in L.A? I don't mean any offense to Linkwithredsox, but I was offended by his review. I just gave him a taste of his one medicine. Another, one reviewer said they had a challenge for me. What is it? If you wrote that PLEASE tell me in a review! Finally, I AM making a Spin-off to this, but 

I'm not sure when it'll be out. Probably not until I'm REALLY far into this. See ya!


	12. Ganonodorf

"Our final guest tonight," the host said, "Is the King of Thieves, Ganondorf!"

The man came out onto the stage, made a fireball, and tried to launch it at the host, but it deflected off an invisible barrier.

"Sorry," The host said, "Magic won't work on me."

"Oh," Ganondorf wined, "And I left my sword at home!"

"Well," the host said, "If you had that, I would be in trouble."

"Whatever," Ganondorf said as he sat down.

"Now Ganondorf," the host said, "Is it true you want to do Zelda?"

"Yes," Ganondorf, "There's no point in trying to lie."

"Finally," the host said, "SOMEONE got that!"

Ganon scoffed at this.

"Even if you did lie," the host said, "I have this photograph to prove you guilty!" The host held up the photo in his pocket

"How did you know it's mine?" Ganondorf asked.

"Because," the host said, "It says 'Taken and owned by Ganondorf Dragmire'. That's how."

"Well," Ganondorf said, nervous, "Where did you get it?"

"From when the Ice Climbers searched you before you came in," the host explained. You don't think I would let a guy like Ganon come out on stage armed, do you?

"What is it?" Toon Link said as he came down onto stage by a bungee. He grabbed the photo, looked at it, and said, "WOW MOMA!!"

"What is it?" Kirby asked.

"Zelda in the shower!" Toon Link said. The host yanked on his string, sending the child back up.

The host then sent the photo through the shredder. Every guy in the audience booed at this, except the none perverted guy.

"Anyways Ganondorf, you had two mothers, correct?" the host asked.

"Yes," Ganondorf said, "They were surrogate."

"Did they ever fight as much as in Ocarina of Time?"

"Yes, they did!" Ganondorf yelled as he broke out into tears. The host sat there, shocked and feeling a little awkward. Hey, when's the last time you made the Great King of Evil cry?

"Uh, look," the host said, "I didn't mean anything…"

"I hate you!!" Ganon yelled as he picked up his chair.

"Security!!" The host yelled. Instantly, the guards grabbed Ganon by the arms and dragged him away.

"Let me go! I'll kill him!" Ganon yelled.

"Oh," the host said, "And magic won't work on them either!"

"Well, that's it for tonight…" The host began, but Zelda walked on the stage.

"Alex, can I have a word with you?"

"Sup?" the host asked.

"Can you sit in the buzzer chair?" Zelda asked.

"Ok…" the host said as he did so.

"Now," Zelda began, "did anyone besides you, Ganondorf and Toon Link see that photo?"

"Well," the host said, "Nana found it and showed it to me, but I'm pretty sure she's straight."

Zelda smiled and asked, "Did you… uh, you know…"

"Oh, no!" the host said, "I've grown past that stage, even though most guys my age haven't and probably never will."

"Most likely. Now if you'll excuse me," Zelda said as she transformed into Sheik, "I'm going to go kill Ganon now. Teach him to take pictures of ME in the shower!"

"Right on, sister!" the host cheered her on as she left.

"Anyways," the host said, "That's it for tonight. Next week, I'll be interviewing Star Fox, Kirby and Metroid characters!"


	13. Fox

"Welcome," the host said, "To night three of Super Smash Brothers Humiliation!"

"Anyways," the host said sitting down, "Our first guest tonight is the captain of the Star Fox team, Fox McCloud!"

"First off," the host said, "Let me just say you are one of my top three favorite characters, along with Link and one more."

"Go ahead," Fox said, "I'm not afraid."

"Very well," the host said, "What's your relationship with each member of the Star Fox team."

"Well," Fox said, "First off, Peppy's like my father, even though as of Command he's "officially" not part of the team any more. Slippy's still my best pal. Falco's my quote-on-quote "friend"."

"What about Krystal?" the host asked.

"Well," Fox said, "We were boyfriend and girlfriend, but we broke up as of Command."

"What about now?" the host asked.

"Well," Fox said, "Since there are nine different endings to Command, and Nintendo says none are canon, I have to wait until the next game to find out!"

"That must suck," the host said.

"You're telling me!" Fox replied.

"By the way," the host said, "Why did you break up with her?"

"Because I was afraid she'd be killed in battle," Fox said.

"Nintendo wouldn't do that!" The host said, "Well, maybe, but that's no excuse, dang it!"

"Yeah," Fox said, "I wished I'd realized that earlier. Now I have to wait for a game to come out just to find out my own relationship status!"

"Well," the host said, "Even if it weren't for your ignorance, she probably would have dumped you after seeing this picture."

The host held up a photo of Fox in three-year-old like pajamas!

"Did she see that?!" Fox demanded.

"Well, if she did," the host said, laughing, "It certainly isn't going to help you get her back!"

Fox ran off the stage, his face red.

"What does Krystal look like?" One guy from the audience asked.

Three pictures came on the monitor. They were how she looked like in Adventures, Assault, and Command.

Instantly, every guy in the audience, except the nor-perverted guy, ran to the bathroom. "Hey, you," The host pointed to the non-perverted guy, "Come here." He walked out onto the stage and faced the camera.

"Remember, ladies," the host said, "He's not a pervert! What's your name?"

"Joe," the guy replied.

"Joe," the host said, "nice to meet ya."

"What do you of how Krystal looks in the games?" Joe asked.

"In Adventures," the host said, "They made her look like a slut!"

"What about in Assault?"

The host replied, "In the pictures of the game, yes, in the game itself, no.

"What about Command?" Joe asked.

"Not really," the host said, "In the game or the pictures. They just made her wear a jumpsuit."

"Same here all around," Joe said.


	14. Falco

"Our next guest tonight," the host said, "Is Fox's second-in-command, Falco!"

The falcon walked out onto the stage and sat down.

"Falco," the host said, "you are really stubborn."

"I am not!" Falco denied as the buzzer went off.

"I mean," the host said, "You're stubborn about loving Katt, about being second to Fox, everything!"

"I do not!" Falco said as the buzzer went off.

"Just watch," the host pointed the red buzzer, "That buzzer's red."

"No it's not," Falco said, "It's blue!" The buzzer then went off as he argued.

"No, it's red!"

"It's blue!"

"Red!"

"Blue!"

"Red!"

"Blue!

"Red!"

"Blue!"

"Red!"

"Blue!"

"Red!"

"Blue!"

"Red!"

"Blue!"

"Can't you tell the difference between Red and Blue!?" The host demanded.

"Yes," Falco said, that part being the only part he didn't lie, "It's blue!"

"Red!"

"Blue!"

"Red!"

"Blue!"

"Red!"

"Black!"

"Black?" The host asked, confused.

"I meant blue!" Falco said, telling the truth for only the second time that interview.

"You are," the host said, "Going to be Red, Black, AND Blue by the time Earl's done with you!"

"Earl?!" Falco asked as he jumped out the window as he flew away.

"You're paying for that!" The host said, "I hate it when they break my window!"

Let me just say this: I have come to take pride in my writing because of all the good reception. Hope to see you next time.


	15. Wolf

"Plants really make your home beautiful," the narrator said, "But having to water them can be a big job. Forget to water them, and they could end up dried and limb. Overwater them, and it can leave a big mess. Now with Aqua globes, you don't have to worry. Just fill them up every two weeks and it'll do the rest. It takes the work out of flowers."

"Yeah," The host said, "But if you only do it every two weeks, you'll probably forget and you're back to square one. Anyways, our next guest tonight is Fox's big rival, Wolf O'Donnell!" The wolf walked out onto the stage and sat down.

"That was real funny," Wolf said, "What you did to McCLoud and Lombardi."

"I guess so," the host said, "Anyways, why do you hate Fox?"

"Because," Wolff said, "When we were in 8th grade, he went out with the girl I liked!"

"What!" The host said, "You're telling me THAT'S why you hate him?"

"Yeah," Wolf said, "So what?"

"So what?!" The host shouted, "That was what 13 years ago? And you're STILL mad at him for that?"

"What's it to you?" Wolf asked.

"What was her name anyway?" The host asked.

"Lily O'Donnell," Wolf asked.

"Were you two related?" The host asked.

"Yeah," Wolf said, "She's my sister."

"What a second!" The host yelled, "You like your SISTER?!"

"Why?" Wolf asked, "What's wrong with that?"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?!" The host yelled, "I'll give you three things off the top of my head what's wrong with that! One, you're brother and sister, and you're not supposed to be in a sexual relationship of any kind. Two, it'll be inbreeding, which causes mutation in babies. Three, if I were your dad, I'd kick your butt to the moon!"

"He tried doing that once," Wolf said.

"Get him out of here!" The host said as security took him away.


	16. Dedede

"Anyways," the host said, "Our next guest tonight is the penguin villain of Kirby, King Dedede!"

The penguin waddled onto the stage and sat down.

"Anyways, if you're already King, why are you the villain of the Kirby series?"

"Because," Dedede said, "Apparently, 'I'm not a good king!'"

"You're not!" Kirby yelled.

"Hey!" Dedede yelled, "Shut up!"

"No yelling at the crew!" The host yelled.

"He started it!" Dedede whined like a five-year-old.

"I don't care!" the host yelled, "I'm going to end it!"

"Ha ha!" Kirby laughed, "You got told!"

"Shut up!" Dedede yelled.

"Again," the host yelled, "no yelling at the crew! And Kirby, no mocking the guests! Only I get to do that!"

"Ha!" Dedede yelled, "Now YOU got told!"

"Dedede, Kirby," the host said, "Quit fighting before I separate you two!"

"Yeah, Dedede!" Kirby yelled, "Grow up!"

"You want to go?" Dedede demanded, as he stood up and grabbed his hammer.

"Oh," Kirby said, "Bring it!"

"You want to go?!"

"Bring it!"

"You want to GO?!"

"Bring IT!!"

"YOU WANT TO GO?!"

"BRING IT!! Fat boy!"

A record suddenly stopped and everyone in the studio was dead silent.

"Fat boy...?" Dedede asked in such a whisper you could barely hear him. He was also on the verge of tears.

"Look," the host said as he got up walked up to Dedede, "You know how kids are nowadays, always saying stuff before…"

"THAT DOES

IT!"

Dedede picked up hi hammer and brought it down on Kirby. The puffball yelled as he jumped out of the way. Unfortunately, what the hammer did hit was…

"MY CAMERA!!" The host yelled.

"Ooooo…….." Kirby said like a five-year-old, "You did it now………"

"Those cost 9,000 a piece!" the host yelled, "You're paying for that!"

"Oh…." Dedede sighed as he looked down, to Kirby's laughter.

"And you!" the host yelled, pointing to Kirby, "You're paying 50-50 with him!"

"What?!" Kirby asked, outraged, "Why?"

"Because," the host yelled, "If you hadn't called him fat by, he wouldn't have done that!"

"I'll be back…." Dedede said as he walked out the door.

For those of you who think Kirby is all sweet and cuddly, think again!


	17. Samus

The announcer on the commercial said, "Tired of profanity, violence and nudity preventing you from enjoying a movie? Well, good news all soccer moms, with the Censortron 5000 you don't have to worry about that anymore!

"It takes out all profanity, violence, gore, blood, and nudity scenes! You don't have to worry about a thing!"

"I bet," the host said, "If they put a Die Hard movie in there, it would only show the first five minutes!"

I did once see a commercial for something like this, but I can't remember what it was called and honestly don't care!

"Our next guest tonight is the bounty hunter from outer space, Samus!"

As the bounty hunter sat down, the host said, "Samus, what do you think of the you and Marth pairing."

Samus said something, but it only sounded like weird computer noises.

"Can you take off that helmet?" the host asked, "I can't understand a word you're saying!"

Samus took of her helmet and said, "I said, not a chance!"

"Thank you," the host said, before continuing, "What about the you and Fox pairing?"

"No way!" Samus said, "He's a fox and half my height at best!"

"Exactly!" the host exclaimed, "That pairing doesn't make any sense."

"Man," Samus said, "The pairings some people will make up…"

Note: I mean no offense to ANYONE who likes those pairings.

"Anyways," the host said, "What do you think of being the sex symbol of Super Smash Brothers?"

"What?" Samus asked, confused.

"What do you think they did Zero Suit Samus for?" the host asked.

"To show what it would be like to play as me without the suit on," Samus said.

"Yeah," the host said, "but why did they make you wear that suit so that it leaves almost no modesty?"

"What are you talking about?" Samus asked.

"In the first five seconds you were in the Adventure Mode for Brawl," the host explained, "They made sure the world knows how big your butt is!"

"Prove it!" Samus said. The host played the said clip.

"Holy !" Samus cursed. This is a show, remember?

"And look at these photos of you from ," the host said, pulling up a screen with various perverted pictures of her.

"Thanks," Samus said.

"What?" the host asked. No other guest said thank you!

"You showed what they did to my reputation!" Samus said, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to kill whoever designed my Zero Suit Samus form and the guy who took all those perverted pictures!"

She put back on her helmet and ran off.


	18. Metaknight

"Our final guest tonight," the host said, "Is …" The host noticed his audience was asleep.

"Hey! Wake up!" The host yelled, but they stayed asleep. So, the host covered his ear with stuffing (cloth, not food) and blew a bull horn. Everyone woke up in a second.

"Hey, where have you been?" one of the audience members asked.

"Well," the host explained, "I would have been here sooner, but the only review I got for the last chapter was gibberish and I'm very picky about inspiration. But, someone else finally reviewed at last, so I'm back!"

The crowd applauded at this.

"Our final guest tonight is none other than Metaknight!"

Metaknight came out and sat in the chair.

"What took you so long?!" Metaknight demanded, "I was back stage freakin' forever!"

"I explained this, mind you," the host said, "So, why do you hate Kirby?"

"He's the meanest creature I have ever met in my entire life!" Metaknight yelled, "And worse, everyone thinks he's so cute and cuddly. It makes me sick!"

"Then why do you give him a sword every time you fight him?"

"How do you know that? You don't even play his games!"

"No, but I read it on Wikipedia,"

"Like that's so reliable…"

"You saying you don't? How can you fight an unarmed man?!"

"No, I do, but…"

"I mean sure he sucks, but at least give him a chance!"

"I do give him a chance!"

"That shows how honorable and how much of a man you really are!"

"Yeah!" Kirby cheered him on.  
"Shut up!" Metaknight yelled, "Or I'll kick your # like last time!" Again, this is a show.

"I thought I settled this with Dedede!" The host yelled. Speaking of which, Dedede came back into the room, with his hammer in one hand and a check in the other.

"Here you go," Dedede said, giving the host the check for 4,500, then turned to Kirby, "Now you'll pay!"

"I'm with you!" Metaknight yelled as he drew his sword. Kirby took out a beam sword and prepared to fight them.

"Don't hurt my boyfriend!" Jigglypuff yelled as she two drew a beam sword. They four ran towards each other and began to duel.

"Not again!" the host yelled as he drew his sword again and turned to the camera, "Well, that's all for tonight. Tune in next week as we interview Pokémon, Metal Gear, Pikmin and a robot I think everyone in the US should know of by now!" He then ran towards the battle and joined in. I'll tell you which side he chose next chapter.

Note: I'm sorry it took me so long to update. Like I said, my only review for the last chapter was gibberish. Whoever wrote that, please say it in ENGLISH! Well, see you next time!


	19. Lucario

"Welcome back!" the host said, "To night four of Super Smash Brothers Humiliation!"

The crowd applauded again.

"Our first guest tonight is Lucario!" the host announced as the blue psychic came out and sat in the chair. Well, he was in a sitting position, but was a few inches above the actual seat.

"So Lucario," The host said, "What do you think of being in Brawl?"

"It's pretty cool," Lucario said.

"When I first saw you, I had no idea who or what you were. Then I found out you were in one of the 5 billion Pokémon movies," the host said.

"Yeah," Lucario agreed, "There are WAY too many of those movies!"

"So," the host said, "What do you think of Mewtwo?"

"I hate him with all my heart!" Lucario yelled.

"Why?"

"He got to be in one of the first 3 while I got stuck in one of the others along the line to whose number no one cares about! He's so much popular than I am! Even though I replaced him in brawl, he's STILL more popular than I am!" Lucario calmed down before asking, "I just embarrassed myself for you, didn't I?"

"Yep," the host said.

"Shoot…"

"You!" Mewtwo busted in through door, "I'll make you pay for replacing me in Brawl!"

"Bring it on!" Lucario yelled as they charged towards each other.

"Not again…" the host groaned as he was forced to take out his sword and run towards them yet again. Since this isn't the last interview or one before commercials, I'll describe the battle.

Well, there was no battle really. Mewtwo saw me charging at him and ran away, screaming and sobbing like a 4-year-old girl (I'm not trying to be sexist or anything)


	20. Red

"Our next guest tonight," the host said, sitting back down, "Is the protagonist of the famous series, Pokémon, Red!"

Red (also known as Pokémon Trainer) came out and sat down.

"Now, Red," the host began, "Do you really think you deserve to be a smasher?"

"If the creators say so," Red replied.

"But you never really battle," the host pointed out, "You always just sent out Pokémon to fight for you."

"So?"

"So," the host said, "Aren't smashers supposed to _fight_?"

"Well," Red said, "Olimar sends pikmin out to fight for him!"

"Yeah, but after their through, he fights himself," the host said.

"Well…"

"And don't you think you put your Pokémon through enough without having to humiliate them by you getting credit for _their_ victories?"

"But…"

"Don't you think it's cowardly of you to send your Pokémon to fight in smasher battles for you while you stand to the side line?"

"Maybe, but…"

"Face it! You send your servants to fight for you, even in smasher battles!"

"You're making me mad!"

"What' you going to do? I have Earl remember?"

"Charzard! Go!"

Upon Charzard escaping his poke ball, he saw the host and smiled as he exclaimed, "Alex!"

"Charlie!" the host said as he put a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"You know each other?!" Red demanded.

"Charlie and I go back a long way…" The host explained.

"Charzard! As your commander, master and owner, I order you to attack him!"

Charlie breathed fire at Red, who was burned black like in cartoons. Red coughed up smoke and brought out his other two poke balls.

"Squirtle! Ivysaur! Attack!"

Squirtle and Ivysaur came out and said, similar to Charlie, "Alex!"

"Ivy! Squirt!" the host exclaimed as the Pokémon came over to him as well.

Red's mouth hung wide open. All three of his Pokémon were friends with his new enemy. He snuffed snobbishly and walked away, grumbling and dropping his poke balls.

Sorry, I would have had this up yesterday, but I was doing yard work all morning and then went shopping. Plus, Lucas and I got Lego Indiana Jones and I spent all day playing it (with him some of the time) and I just completed Last Crusade.


	21. Mewtwo

"Our next guest," the host said, "Is the all powerful Pokémon we earlier saw run away screaming like a little girl, Mewtwo!"

"I did _not_ scream like a little girl!" Mewtwo yelled as he sat in the chair (or more correctly, floated).

"If that wasn't screaming like a little girl, I don't want to know what is!" The host exclaimed, to which Mewtwo only grumbled.

"Anyway," the host continued, "You face the same problem as Roy, don't you?"

"I'm like no one!" Mewtwo yelled.

"I didn't say you were," the host explained, "I simply said you two are in a similar situation."

"We have never been and never will be!" Mewtwo yelled.

"Geez, you're as stubborn as Falco!"

"I'M LIKE NO ONE!!" Mewtwo yelled as he floated in the air and dark clouds circled around him. The host simply sighed and pressed a button and the room stretched up and Earl stomped in.

Mewtwo stopped and look up as his eyes shrunk like in cartoons. The host heard water spilling on the floor and saw Mewtwo was releasing some kind of blue liquid the host assumed was urine (You're not allowed to even write the word pee in novelizations of a show unless given special permission each time like just then.)

Mewtwo then ran away, screaming like a girl again.

"Ness!" the host yelled as Ness came out and mopped Mewtwo's leavings.

Sorry this chapter's kinda short, but now that I'm back in school I probably won't be able to update as often, so don't expect much for a while.


	22. WallE or is it ROB?

"Our next guest," the host said, "Is the robot of the 2008 movie season, Wall E!"

"My correct name is ROB," Rob said as he came out, "or Robotic Orbital Buddy."

"Whatever, you two look exactly alike," the host said, "Anyways, I thought robots weren't supposed to fall in love. How did that happen in Wall E?"

I've never seen it, but it's obvious in the trailers.

"That's why it is so inaccurate," ROB said.

"How can you call your own movie inaccurate, Wall E?" The host demanded.

"My name is not Wall E!" ROB said, "I am ROB, Robotic Orbital Buddy, cyber dine system number…"

"You're with sky net? TERMINATOR!" The host yelled. Suddenly, Christian Bale came in through the window dressed as John Connor and yelled, "All right! Time to promote Terminator Salvation!"

"Resistance required!" ROB yelled, as his way of saying help, and ran away as Christian Bale ran after him.

"Hey!" one person from the audience yelled, "Why doesn't HE have to pay for that window?"

"Because he rocks like that!" The host yelled, "And also The Dark Knight is the greatest movie ever!"

"It sucks!" the same person yelled. Suddenly, an army of Heath Ledger fans (including everyone who saw the Dark Knight) burst through the door.

"Get him!" they yelled and ran after that person who jumped out the window.

"He's goanna pay for that…" the host said.


	23. Snake

"Our next guest tonight," the host said, "Is the ultimate gun dude of Super Smash Brothers, Snake!"

"Thank you!" Snake said to the audience as he came out and sat down.

"Any reason I was back there for a bit?" Snake asked.

"Well, I'm back in school now, so I won't be able to update as often," the host said, "But let's talk about your love life!"

"Okay," Snake said.

"First off," The host said, "You and Samus?"

"I can only dream, like every other smasher, except Marth and maybe Captain Falcon," Snake said.

"True," the host said.

"Hey!" Snake said, "I thought you didn't like MarthxSamus!"

"I _didn't_," The host said, "But now I do! Anyways, I don't think you two would be good together."

"Why not?" Snake asked.

"You're too old for her, no offense," The host explained.

"How?" Snake asked.

"She's like 24 and you're 44," The host said, "There's a 20 year difference there!"

"What if she's like 38 but just looks 24," Snake suggested, "Like that lady in 'The Terminal'?"

"Well," The host said, "In that case, I guess it would be okay.

"Besides," Snake said, "I'm only 41!"

"Okay, fine," The host asked, "But I don't think Samus is 38 to begin with."

"Actually," Snake said, "She is."

"Wow!" The host said, "She is like that woman from The Terminal!"

"At least I wasn't humiliated," Snake said. Suddenly, irony hit him right in the face and his pants fell down, revealing his underwear. Snake pulled them back up and ran off, embarrassed.

"Well," The host said, "Sometimes life can humiliate people for you."

Oh, I forgot to tell you which side the Host was within the Dedede and Metaknight vs. Kirby and Jigglypuff battle. He was with Dedede and Metaknight and Jigglypuff and Kirby were fired. Dedede and Metaknight took their places. See ya next time!

Sorry it took a while to upload, I had forgotten to upload this chapter after I was finished but just realized I didn't right before I uploaded. Sorry…


	24. Olimar

"Well," the host said as he came out on stage, "I'm back!"

"FINALLY!" One of the audience members said, "You spend a MONTH AND THIRTEEN days in the bathroom! Do you have diarrhea or something?"

"No," the host said, "It's a long explanation. It is written at the bottom of this chapter, so you can read it when you're done. For now, let's just sit back and welcome our final guest for the week, Olimar!"

Olimar came out and sat down.

"I thought you had forgotten about me," Olimar said.

"Well, let's get started," the host said, "First off, where would you go…"

"I want to ask YOU a few questions!" Olimar said.

"That's not really how it's supposed to go," the host said.

"So?" Olimar asked.

"Well, what the heck? Shoot."

"First off, who are you voting for, McCain of Obama?"

"WHOA!! Hold on there!" The host yelled, "This is NO place for politics! Go watch MSNBC if that's your only concern. Besides, I can't vote until the next election."

"I'll tell you who I'M voting for!"

"Fine. I hope Obama wins,"

Suddenly, an army of Steven Colbert fans barged through the doors.

"Get him!" Olimar ordered as they charged forth.

However, before they could get the host, an army of Keith Oberman, Chris Matthews and Rachel Maddow fans, led by Kent Jones, came from the other doors and guarded the host.

"Hold on!" the host said, stopping it before it got out of control, "This is no place for politics! Take it outside!"

They went outside and then began to fight.

"Anyways…" the host said, getting back to Olimar, but he realized he was gone. What was left was a puddle of bad smelling liquid.

"That had _better_ not be what I think it is!" the host said as Earl came in.

"Earl," the host said, "Find Olimar and show him he needs to pay to replace this chair… one way or the other. You are free to use any methods necessary, but I want him alive… no stomping on him!"

Earl grunted and barged out to find Olimar.

So, like I said, here's the explanation. I thought I had written it both in the last chapter and on my profile, but for some reason it didn't save in either one.

Lucas and I moved from Georgia to California, so we had not internet connection for over a week. Plus, we each got separate rooms after spending about 11 and half years of sharing a room. Lucas got the computer, which limits my access to it.

Also, I've had school which is a common updating problem among writers. But, my school is pretty bawling, so that's cool. Anyway, to my up for my absence, I've done two things along with updating. I've named all the chapters so you can reread all your favorites without having to go through one by one or remembering which are which. I've also added a survey on my profile so you can tell more what I'm like in case you're interested. It should be up by the time you read this. And, in case you couldn't guess, Olimar peed his pants so much it leaked through and got on my chair. So, I've said it before and I'll say it again, see ya later!


	25. Pit

"Welcome to Night 5 of Super Smash Brothers Humiliation!" The host said as he came out, "Tonight, I will be interviewing Sonic, Earthbound, F-Zero, Kid Icarus, and a special guest you'd probably never expect! Now, let's welcome our first guest, Pit!"

Pit walked (or flew, whichever you'd want to call it) on and sat down in the chair.

"So Pit," the host said, "I was originally going to have you as part of my staff, but I guess I forgot and…"

"You forgot about me?!" Pit asked as he began crying.

"Um… What I do now?" The host asked no one in particular.

"Ask him a question!" One audience member said.

"So Pit," The host uneasily continued, "One reviewer wants to know why you look like Roy."

"Now you're saying I look like Roy?" Pit demanded as he began to sob even harder.

"What's wrong with looking like me?!" Roy demanded as he came out, "You should take that as a compliment."

Before it could get out of hand, the Host opened his shirt to reveal a vest of grenades and a string around one of the pins he was holding with a finger, ready to pull, as he said, "Let's not lose it!"

"You're crazy!" Pit said.

"No, I'm not," the host said, "I'm just stealing Chris Nolan's idea and honoring Heath Ledger at the same time. So, Roy, what say you get on out and let Pit finish the question."

"O.K," Roy said as he calmly turned around and sprinted for the door.

"So Pit," The host said as he sat down and put the strings back in his shirt, "Why do you look like Roy?"

"Well, they didn't want Roy in for some reason, so they made me look like him so people could still be reminded of him," Pit said.

"Personally, I don't think it works," the host said.

"That does it!" Pit said, staring to cry again, "Palutena!"

Palutena came in, saying, "Ye who makes an angel of mine cry shall… Wait! Alex?!"

"Yo," the host said calmly.

"WHAT?!" Pit demanded, "You actually _know _him?!"

"Well, not personally," Palutena said, "But I read his fics. Good stuff."

"Thanks," The host said.

"Bully!" Pit said as he ran out the door. Just then, Dr. Mario came back in, wielding a huge, double-bladed, two hand ax, yelling, "I'll get you for not including me!"

"Earl," The host called as Earl came in, "Take care of him, please."

Dr. Mario charged forth and swung his ax at Earl, hitting him on the pinky toe. He looked down as his eyes turned into flames of anger as Dr. Mario whimpered away.

"I should have warned you," the host said, "He really, really, really, really, really, _really, _REALLY hates it when you hit him on the pinky toe."

Earl leaned down to Dr. Mario's level and roared so loud it sent Dr. Mario through the walls all the way to the other side of the building.

Don't worry, Earl's fine, but if you want to send a "Get Well Soon" note to him, you can say it in your review. He'd also appreciate a 10-ft. banana or two, but I doubt you'll be able to fit it in your interview.

Anyways, I have a confession to make, so brace yourselves. This was not my original idea. I know, shocking. It was inspired by a fanfic called, "The Sonic the Hedgehog INSANE Talk Show," by writer "lady-warrioress". You can check that out if you want, as I have it favorited on my profile.


	26. Captain Falcon

"Our next guest tonight," the host said, "Is my last favorite character, Captain Falcon!"

Falcon walked out on stage and sat down.

"So, Falcon," the host said, "You're my last favorite character, but…"

"I once farted and killed a moose!" Falcon bursted out.

"Wow," the host said, "You just saved me an interview trying to figure out a way to humiliate you."

"I just _had _to get that off my shoulders!" Falcon said.

"Now what?" the host asked.

"You know what I realized?" Falcon asked, "You were going to interview Ness and Lucas, but they're on your staff."

"Not anymore," the host said, "I fired them for… well, I tell you their reasons when I get to them."

"Okay," Falcon said as he got up.

"Hey! Where are you going?" the host demanded.

"I'm leaving!" Falcon said.

"Why? Did I say you could leave?" The host asked.

"Well, no but the interview's over,"

"So? Wait for my permission!"

"I just thought…"

"Don't think!"

"Fine! Can I go?"

"Yes,"

"Thank you!" Falcon said as he stomped off.

For the person that sent the banana full of ants, Earl thanks you (he loves eating ants). See ya next time. Also, I dare you to guess who the last person interviewed will be. I'll give you a hint: It's not a smasher (because they're all used up) and probably the last person you'd suspect.


	27. Ness

"Our next guest," the host said, "Is the boy who almost blew up my studio, Ness!"

"I did _not_ almost blow up your studio!" Ness insisted as he came out and sat down.

"You nearly ate a cherry bomb!" The host said, "That probably would've blown at least half of my studio!"

"It looked like a cherry!" Ness said.

"That's why they call it a 'Cherry Bomb'! But you should even then be able to tell the difference!"

"He almost ate a bomb?" One audience member asked.

"He would have if I hadn't taken it away from him at the last second!" the host said.

"I said I was sorry!" Ness said.

"Well sorry don't cut it!" the host said, "If you weren't already fired, I'd fire you!"

"Come on! I've got three kids!" The buzzer did not go off.

"What?!?!" the host exclaimed surprise.

"Um… You heard nothing!" the buzzer went off.

"Okay… Let's pretend you didn't say that,"

"Yeah,"

"So… What color is your underwear?"

"Why...?"

"Just answer the question!"

"Not pink…" the buzzer went off.

"Okay… I keep feeling more awkward by the question!"

"Is there anything I can say that won't make you feel more awkward?" Ness asked.

"Probably not," the host replied.

"Maybe I should leave…"

"Hold it! Anyone was fired and comes on this show must face… Earl!"

"Oh no….." Ness said as Earl came in. Ness turned and ran, screaming at the top of his lungs.


	28. Lucas

"Our next guest tonight," the host said, "Is the majorly disgusting nine-year-old boy who nearly poisoned us all, Lucas!"

"I did not!" Lucas insisted as he came out.

"You peed in the drinking fountain!" The host exclaimed, "That's gross!"

"He WHAT?!?!?!" Most every person in the audience asked in disbelief.

"Not yours," the host said, "Our staff's drinking fountain."

Every audience member blew a sigh of relief.

"So, Lucas," the host said, "Why did you try to poison me?"

"I didn't!" Lucas said.

"Then why did you pee in the drinking fountain?"

"Because you were in the bathroom forever!"

"What?"

"That time you took forever to update because you went to the bathroom!"

"I said I was on bathroom _break_!" the host said, "If you checked, the stall said, 'Available'!"

"I didn't have time to go to the toilet!" Lucas defended, "I _really_ had to go!"

"The toilet was closer than the fountain!"

"It was?"

"Yeah! It was like twice as close as the toilet!"

"Oh…."

"Now, you must face…"

"I know Earl," Lucas said, getting ready.

"No," the host said, "You must face… Lady-Warrioress!"

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lucas couldn't believe it.

"Sorry, I just want to try something new," the host explained, "Now, Earl, will you guide the young man to the lady?"

Sorry it took a bit of a while to update. Though it was only like 10 days, but still… Hoped you enjoyed! Also, Lady-Warrioress, if you're reading this, I hope you take no offense whatsoever.


	29. Sonic

"Our next guest tonight," the host said, "Is the super-fast blue hedgehog, Sonic!"

The Nintendo fan boys booed as he came out, but the non-Nintendo fan boys (including Sega fan boys) shut them up.

"So, Sonic," the host said, "You were the only person to appear both in this fic and the one that inspired it."

"Sweet," Sonic said.

"So," the host continued, "Why won't anyone review my Sonic fanfics?"

"I don't know," Sonic said, slightly confused.

"I guess people who review my Nintendo fanfics don't think much of you," the host said.

"That's not true!" Sonic said, "Lots of people love me!"

"Would that include the legion of Nintendo fan boys right outside this building with torches, pitch forks, basically the whole nine yards (including a puppet you on a skewer burning) all the while screaming at the top of their lungs 'Kill Sonic! Kill Sonic!'?"

"……….What?" Sonic asked.

"Listen," the host said and sure enough, Sonic heard those words in the background.

"Wow…." Sonic said.

"Yeah," the host said.

"Boy, I really learned something today…"

"Don't do that to yourself," the host said.

"Do what?"

"Talking like that. Seriously, if you want to get your reputation back, you can't talk cheesy,"

"What?"

"What do you mean, 'What?'?"

"People really don't like my games?"

"Not since Sonic Heroes,"

"That explains why Sega has me under such a close watch and won't let me play any games beyond that point…"

"Probably does,"

"Man! If only there was some word to describe the moment where you have a sudden realization of great truth…"

"You mean an Epiphany?"

"A what?"

"That's the word to describe that kind of moment,"

"Oh, I guess. You know, you're not as bad as all the other smashers say,"

"That's because they don't realize their interviews were _completely_ optional. If they declined, I offered them to be put on my staff. Dr. Mario declined both offers and was mad he wasn't in a fic that just got its 75th review."

I know that isn't much compared to a lot of other fics, but it's the highest number I've ever gotten and I'm happy about it.

"See ya!" Sonic said as he left.

Well, that's the last smasher interview. Next time it's the mysterious guest! Who will it be? Who knows....?

Anyway, see ya then! Also, one reviewer dared me to, once I'm done with the reviews, if I'd do something _totally_ ridiculous. I already figured out how I'll do it, but Lucas wants to know if it's okay by the reviewers. So, go prove him wrong!


	30. Read up to here and find out!

"I promised everyone a surprise guest for tonight," the host said, "And that guest is…. Drum roll, Pit………………………………………………………………….

ME!!!!!!"

Everyone gasped.

"Well, one person already guessed it was me (dang it), and I'm doing it to show I mean no offense to anyone who likes the characters humiliated extra badly. But, naturally I can't contact an interview of me to humiliate me, so here to give me a taste of my own medicine, my brother Lucas!"

No one cheered as he came out. He was obviously younger than me, but he wished to remain ageless. He had long, shaggy brown hair.

"Who?"

"He helped write Ice in the Desert,"

"Oh, yeah," that guy said.

"Can I put someone on the List?" Lucas asked.

"No,"

"Dang it! Oh well, let's see….."

"I'm waiting," the host said.

"I got it!" Lucas said.

"What?" the host asked, "Are you going to ask about that one time I accidently went into your room instead of the bathroom?"

"No," Lucas said, "Not embarrassing enough. No, I've got something _way_ better!"

"What?" the host asked, uninitimated.

"This!" Lucas pressed a button on the remote and a TV screen came down and something came on. Something horrifying, terrifying and would probably give you nightmares if you saw it…

Me dancing naked in front of the mirror! The cameras instantly went off and the screen popped up saying, "Viewer digression is advised." before it returned. Audience, unfortunately, had no such warning.

"How did you get that?!?!" The host demanded, "There wasn't even a camera in that bathroom!"

"I have my resources…" Lucas smiled.

"I need a breather…" the host said as he got up and walked away.

Yes, I actually did that ONE time when I wondered what something like that would look like. And Lucas isn't gay, if you're wondering.

Well, there you have it. Me being humiliated on my on fanfic. To that one guy that said this fic was going downhill, I hope this turns the tide. Anyway, no one has voted yes or no on that ridiculous idea yet which, in case I forgot to mention, will take 7 chapters. I will wait until someone votes for it before I will finish. If no, I will simply write _an_ ending (which will only take on chapter), but not _the _ending. So if you want to see _the_ ending, vote yes and stop wasting time!


	31. Beggining of the End

"Well," the host said after coming back on and after Lucas left, "That's the end of Super Smash Brothers Humiliation!"

Every audience member booed at this.

"I know, it sucks, but we got over 80 reviews, and we should be proud of this show while it lasted. So, I guess this means…"

"Telegram!" Pichu said, coming out, carrying a video tape.

"This is a video!" the host corrected.

"Right," Pichu said, "It makes sense when you think about it; _tele_vision,_ tele_gram."

The host shrugged at this and put the tape into the V.C.R and began to watch it.

Mario came on the screen

"Hello," he said, "We, the Chronically Rebellious Youth Banners Association of Beeping Yetis, or CRYBABY..."

"Where did Yetis come from?" the host asked.

I won't tell you how long it took me to come up with something like that which would fit.

"…are hereby declaring war on you!"

"That's right!" DK said, "And I'll get revenge on you for making me look stupid!"

"You _are_ stupid!" Wolf said from somewhere off screen.

"I'm not!"

"Someone's stealing your bananas," Wolf said, emotionless.

"Not again!" DK gullibly believed and jumped out another window.

"Is there anything that guy won't believe?" Mario asked, rolling his eyes, "Anyway, we have Kupo with us and his/her Earl and we want the two to battle."

I'm not sure which sex Kupo is, so I put both.

"Bring it on!" The host said, "Earl can take anyone, anytime!"

"If you accept, bring Earl to the Smash Stadium at dawn tomorrow," Mario said, before saying, "On second thought, tomorrow's Saturday, so let's make it… 3:00. Afterwards, our members will gather any armed forces they have and meet you on the field of battle in the biggest smash battle in history on the biggest stage ever! You have then to assemble any allies willing to help you in this fight. Also, Earl will not be allowed because he'll never fit. Be there!"

"Hey!" Ganondorf yelled off screen, "He stole my candy bar!"

"I'm a psychic!" Mewtwo yelled off screen, "What would I want with your stupid candy bar?"

"That does it!" Ganondorf yelled as the camera turned towards them arguing, "You must die!"

Ganondorf charged with his sword and swung at the Pokémon. Mewtwo mealy raised his hand, picked him off the ground and telepathically threw him across the room.

"Ganondorf!" Marth yelled as he charged forth with Bowser and Captain Falcon from different directions. Mewtwo unleashed a wave of energy and knocked them all back.

"Come back here, you stupid robot!" Red yelled as he ran after Wall-E (or ROB as he claims to be called), who was carrying his Poke balls.

"I just want to dissect your animals!" Wall-E said.

"No way!"

"I'm telling you," Wolf said to Falco, "I don't want to duel!"

"Sure you do!" Falco said as he shot Wolf where the sun don't shine.

"THAT DOES IT!!!!!!!!" Wolf yelled as he ran after Falco, who ran off, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"At least I didn't pee in the drinking fountain!" Ness yelled at Lucas, who was in an argument with him.

"At least I didn't almost eat a cherry bomb!" Lucas argued back.

"Look, can't we settle this like civilized people?" Olimar asked as he came in between the two.

"NO!" Ness and Lucas yelled as the two got in a fight, which Olimar joined after he got hit. But, he got beat up so hard in the next 5 seconds, he had enough bruises to make him look like burned toast.

"I am NOT a fancy boy!" Pit yelled at Link

"Then why do you wear a dress?" Link asked.

"I do NOT wear a dress!" Pit insisted.

"Than what is that?"

"It's a robe!"

"It looks like a dress!"

"It does not!"

"Tell me, do you skip around town, signing, 'I am a fancy boy who wears a girly dress!' over and over again all day long?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Pit yelled as he leaped at Link and the two engaged in a sword fight.

"HOLD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mario yelled as DK came back in.

Once he had everyone's attention, he asked, "Why is everyone so hyped up?"

"I got hit by Falcon/Bowser/Marth!" Everyone except DK, Marth, Bowser, Falcon, Ganondorf, and Mewtwo said. They each said who they specifically got hit by.

"Why did you three hit them?" Mario asked.

"Mewtwo threw us!" The three said.

"Why did you throw them?"

"They charged at me!"

"Why did you charge at him?"

"He threw Ganondorf!"

"Why did you throw Ganondorf?"

"He was being immature…"

"He stole my candy bar!" Ganondorf declared.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I DIDN'T STEAL YOUR FREAKIN' CANDY BAR!!!!!!!!"

"So _that's_ what this is all about?" Mario asked, frustrated.

"Pretty much," Ganondorf shrugged as Wario walked in, finishing up a candy bar.

"What did I miss?" he asked.

"YOU!" Ganondorf pointed, "IT WAS YOU WHO STOLE MY CANDY BAR!!!!!"

"Oh," Wario said, "That was yours?"

"Duh! That's why it said, 'Property of Ganondorf Dragmire' on the wrapper!"

"I think a certain someone owes a certain someone else an apology!" Mewtwo declared.

"Fine! I'm sorry!" Wario yelled.

"Not you!" Mewtwo said, before pointing to Ganondorf, "_Him_!"

"First," Ganondorf said, cracking his knuckles, "I think you owe some people an apology yourself."

Mewtwo then noticed everyone giving him an evil glare.

"Well, if he hadn't accused me in the first place, I wouldn't have done what I did!"

"I say we beat them both up!" Falcon said as everyone except Mario engaged in a big brawl.

"YOU'RE DESTROYING MY STUIDO!!!!!" Mario yelled as he watched in horror.

Just then, Dr. Mario came in, just happening to be carrying a large hammer.

"Is this a video tape to the host?" Dr asked as Mario nodded.

"HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOU!!!!!!" Dr yelled as he hit the tide of the camera with the hammer, sending it flying towards the wall.

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Was all that was heard before the camera collided with the wall and all went to static.

The host was amazed Dr. Mario didn't destroy the camera with the hammer hit alone and that the video survived the destructive impact.

"Well," the host said, "Looks like it's not over yet!"

The crowd applauded at this.

"Tomorrow, it's a battle of humor vs. drama!"

Well, that's the beginning of the end. Earl may finally meet his match and I have to get anyone willing to help me! But, CRYBABY's armies are a count of 7 and Ganondorf's is an army of every monster, mini-boss, and boss in Legend of Zelda history. Same with Bowser for the Mario series and Wolf for Star Fox. Red also has every Pokémon in existence for an army. Also, Marth has an army of his knights, Pit has an army of fancy boys from all over the place (Beware the wrath of fancy boys!) and Olimar has an army of Pikmin. Finally, I don't think some people got the point of the Sonic chapter. It wasn't that his games "suck" (though I disagree. Don't kill me!), but that he didn't know it.

Who do you think will win? Cast your vote! I've already decided who'll win, but I want to know what my reviewers think!


	32. Preparing for Battle

"Well," the host said in front of his war council, "We have until 3 p.m. tomorrow to assemble any allies we have. Now, Zelda, Peach, Fox, Dedede, Sonic and Snake, you all have armies, and Pit Fan has lend me his Pokémon, but they still have 1 more army than us, and 3 of those armies are considerably bigger than ours. And, to top it off, NessLucas5727 is their new captain. What do we do?"

"I think we've done about everything we can do," Roy said. Also there were Lucas, Luigi, Ike, Samus, Metaknight, Lucario, and Sonic. They weren't offended by their humiliations.

"I got it!" Ike said, "We send Samus, Zelda and Peach into battle and, once their distracted by their male parts, we tear right through them!"

"Is that a plan or a fantasy?" The host asked.

"Little bit of both…" Ike said as Samus, Zelda and Peach all slapped the sense out of him.

"Okay," the host said as Ike lay unconscious, "Are there any REAL plans?"

"What's there to plan?" Sonic asked, "We go in there, we get our butts whooped and we hope we can still walk away with dignity!"

"Not bad!" The host said.

"I was kidding!" Sonic insisted.

"Well, I like it!" Metaknight said.

"All for say 'Aye'!" The host said as everyone except Sonic and Ike said Aye.

"All against!" The host asked as only Sonic said nay.

"Majority rules!" The host said as Ike came to.

"So, what's the plan?" Ike asked.

"Simple; we stand up to them like men and do our best," the host said, which caused Samus, Zelda and Peach to give him an evil glare.

"I mean, men and women!" the host hurried up as they got closer to him. This caused them to calm down and sit back down.

"So," the host said, "Get a goodnight's sleep, for I fear it may be the last any of us will have for a long time after tomorrow. Also, wish Earl Luck!"

Well, it's not much, but there's a plan, though it's really not much of a plan. Also, thanks to Pit Fan for lending me your Pokémon. I'll need them if we have any chance of winning. Also, to all you Earl fans (I know you're out there!), be sure to wish the big guy luck for facing a copy twice his size. Until then, see ya!


	33. Earl vs Earl

"Okay," Mario said in front of the stadium, "Let's go over the rules of the battles: First, no items. Second, it's a one-life KO only. Third, whichever army has a soldier left will win, so it's down to the last man, or woman. Got it?"

"Yeah!" the host said, "Let's do this!"

"Question," Sonic asked, "Where the heck are we going to get stages big enough for two giant apes and/or 12 armies to fight?"

"Simple," Mario answered, "We have two stages big enough at the center of the stadium. One is the bottom of Icicle Mountain and the other is Hyrule Field. The Earls will fight at the bottom of Icicle Mountain and the armies will then fight on Hyrule Field. Deal?"

"Sure," the host said, not seeing any problem with the arrangement.

"Very well," Mario said, "Let the battle begin!"

The two Earls were teleported to the bottom of Icicle Mountain. They looked around and faced each other. I'll refer to my Earl as Earl 1 and Kupo's as Earl 2.

Earl 2 turned his umbrella into a giant sword that he could easily wield with one hand or two if he pleased. Earl 1 had no weapons and simply cracked his knuckles as he prepared for the battle.

Earl 1 charged forth and swung at Earl 2. (I'll call them 1 and 2 now because I'm lazy.) 2 simply stepped aside at swung his sword at 1's back. 1 turned around and ducked and punched 2 right in the gut. 2's wind was knocked out of him, but otherwise seemed unaffected by this. He then kicked 1 in the chest (keep in mind 2 was twice as big as 1.) and sent him back a good 50 yards.

1 looked up as he kneeled on the ground, a furious look in his eyes. He then charged forth and swung with all his might, but 2 jumped into the air and landed on 1's back. 1 winced from the pain.

When 2 stepped off, 1 swung his feet and his ankles, trying to trip him. He jumped and kicked 1 in the back, sending him sliding about 20 yards away.

1 breathed hard as he slowly got up. 2 jumped high into the air and landed on 1's chest, sending him back onto the ground. 1 knew he would lose for sure if he didn't think of something. Suddenly, he had an idea.

True, 2 was stronger, bigger and more powerful than 1, but 1 was more experienced and knew that 2 made the single biggest mistake in fighting another when he was male. It was every male's weakness.

So, 1 kneed 2 right where the sun don't shine. His extreme pain became apparent in his eyes as he covered where he had been kneed. As he writhed on the ground, 1 picked him up by the ankles and swung him around and around and sent him off into the distance, KOing him.

Earl had won.


	34. The Tides Turn

The two mighty armies stood on the Hyrule Field stage, facing each other. We had a last-minute army from dark and white Kirby (thanks!), but their forces still outnumbered ours greatly.

I stood in front of my army and drew a light saber (so I'm a big star wars geek. Sue me!) And faced the other army, with NessLucas5727 in front of his (I won't say what he looked like since I'll leave that up to his imagination).

Fear was among my army and pride among the others. We would almost certainly lose. It wasn't the numbers of their army that scared us, but who was among them. Think of all the toughest bosses from Zelda, Mario and Star Fox and picture them all in the army.

It was then I began to feel angered no one else would join my army. I looked high and low, but I only found what was in my army. If only the reviewers had helped out more…

Suddenly, before the narrator ordered the battle to begin, another army appeared in the distance, marching towards ours. I couldn't believe it. It was an army of….

My loyal fans!

The all carried different weapons (I won't say who looked like what again because I'll leave it up to their imaginations).

"Did we miss anything?" Mizazu asked.

"Actually, you came right on time," the host said.

"Pit is mine…" ANONYMOUS growled as he gave Pit an evil glare.

"READY…." The narrator said as the armies got ready.

"GO!!!!!!!!"

Well, there's a good cliff hanger. Wait until the next couple of chapters to see how things go.

Anyway, the loyal fans have already barely gotten me through this story, but I'm glad they did. It's been almost 6 months since I started. I guess this is what Batman felt like in _The Dark Knight_ where, though he believed in it, he didn't want to do the same thing for the rest of his life. But don't worry! Once I'm done, I've got Beyond the Interviews to do, and then I have an idea for a never ending humor fanfic! If I get at least 100 reviews by the day I upload the last chapter, I'll tell you what the idea is. So review like crazy!

Also, I didn't decide to use the army of fans from Chris's comment; I planned that from the start. Why do my reviewers keep guessing my secrets?!? Well, that's okay. I guess the most loyal fans will find out one way or another.


	35. Dark Lord Ganondork

The match, or battle as it would be more accurately described, was long and intense. Every second, there was at least one new KO. Within a half hour of fighting, the number of soldiers had shrunk to 1/100th of how many were there when the match began.

By the time the first hour was over, only three soldiers were left: the host, Ganondorf, and Mizazu. They faced Ganondorf as they were ready to battle him.

"Ok," Ganondorf said dropping his sword, "I surrender."

Mizazu and the host lowered their defenses as we accepted victory. Suddenly, Ganondorf shot a bolt at Mizazu, sending her flying off the stage.

"You swine!" the host exclaimed at Ganondorf's trickery.

It was just the two of them: Hero and villain, light and shadow, comedy and crybaby.

The two charged at each other and dueled. Their weapons clung and swished as the light saber and swords men were in a duel for dignity.

Eventually, Ganondorf knocked his sword against the hilt of the host's saber, knocking it away, leaving the host helpless.

"Well, well, well," Ganondorf gloated, circling the fallen host, "Look who's gotten defeated. Oh, how ironic it is. The shoe is on the other foot. The tides have turned. The…"

While Ganondorf was monologing, the host remembered Obi-wan Kenobi's advice to Luke Skywalker: Use the force. He had never been able to do it before, but he gathered his focus and drew to him one of Red's Poke balls.

"Please be something powerful," the host whispered as he opened it and out came… Goldeen.

"Oh crap," the host moaned.

"Looks like your luck has run out, kid," Ganondorf said as he moved to make the final blow.

The host rolled over, picked up his light saber with the force and struck Ganondorf, sending him away.

Well, there you have it. You can decide how you were KO'd (except Mizazu, I took the liberty of doing that. Sorry) but I won and CRYBABY was defeated. I mean, come on! You don't honestly think I would write for MYSELF to lose, do you?


	36. Resolution

The host and his army stood outside the stadium, cheering over their victory. CRYBABY's soldiers were grumbling amongst themselves, all saying the host cheated.

"This isn't over yet!" Mario yelled, standing in the front, "Soon we will get our revenge on you!"

"Yeah, right!" Everyone yelled from the army. The host decided he had enough of them and snapped his fingers as best as he could (I'm not very good at snapping) and all of my fans shot flamethrowers at them, burning them to a crisp.

"I'm going home…" Wario grumbled as he waddled off. The entire army soon followed him.

"Well," the host said, "It sure was a close call, but we did it!"

"What do we do now?" Peach asked.

Luigi stood on a crate, out his hands around the sides of his mouth, and yelled as loud as he could, "PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Sounds good to me," the host shrugged.

"TO THE STUDIO!!!!!" Chris yelled as everyone ran there.

Sorry for the short chapter, but I couldn't really think of anything to write for this. Anyways, I have a message to Singe Grin:

I guess all I can say is I'm sorry. I guess it goes to show no matter how hard you try, no matter what you write, and even if you get 100 reviews (okay, 99, but I'm sure it'll be 100 soon enough!), you just can't please everyone. Also, I disagree when you say I had no tides turn on me. I can name four: 1. When my enemies were planning against me. 2. When their forces outnumbered my own. 3. When they had an Earl twice as big and strong as my own. 4. When Ganondorf overwhelmed me momentarily.

Anyway, to all my other reviewers: COME ON!!!!!! I just need one more review to make 100! Then you shall now my idea! So come on, for your sakes!

Also, sorry if it took a while to update. I just kept forgetting to write it, and then upload it.


	37. The End

Well, here it is. The final chapter.

The party was certainly one to remember. There were all sorts of contests going on, mostly arm wrestling. Others were soda-drinking, food eating, and, don't ask me how, farting was one too.

Eventually, the host got everyone's attention. They looked at him.

"Now," the host began, "I want to thank…"

"You!" HakkyouOOO yelled, "You're going down!"

He then aimed a boxing-glove gun (the ones in cartoons) and hit the host right where the sun don't shine. Everyone gasped.

"Dude… Weak!" Chris exclaimed at this.

Five minutes later, HakkyouOOO ran out of the building, chased by the reviewers.

"And stay out!" Linkwithredsox yelled.

After everyone got back to the studio, and after the host put ice where he had been hit, he continued what he was saying.

"Now," the host said, "I want to thank all of you for coming and helping me out. I really couldn't have gotten this far without you. Anyway, I promised you if I got 100 reviews by this point I would tell you my idea for a future fanfic. Well, I got 105, which is, if you can count, over the limit, so here it is. It's called… A Day in the Life of a Smasher! All the smashers are in a house until Master Hand feels they can get along. So, once I upload the first chapter, anyone who has an idea for a scenario is certainly welcome to say it. Anyways, I'll continue this thanking the fans thing in the end of story notes. Now, without further ado, here is Roy and his band performing "Hier Kommit Alex!" At least, that's how I think you spell it…

Roy, Ike, and Sonic got up on a stage and began playing the song as everyone danced to it, Roy signing, Ike being the drummer and Sonic the guitarist.

"Well," the host said, "That's it for Super Smash Brothers Humiliation!"

Okay, get ready for a BOAT LOAD of notes! First, I want to once again thank all my reviewers! If it had not been for you, I doubt I would have ever finished this. All of you (sadly, with the only exception of Singe Grin) have, negative or positive, inspired me to continue and even add some plot twists. When I started this, I had doubts that it would be anything special, thinking people would just recognize as another mindless story and move on. But, I don't think I've ever been this happy to be proven wrong so badly.

Also, I hope my story inspired you to write your own comedies, and if it did, please don't be afraid to tell me. My brother, Lucas, was inspired to write something similar called, "Truth of Legend of Zelda", which is kinda funny. I guess this is an early Christmas present for everyone (or Hanukah or Kwanza or whatever it is you celebrate) so Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year to everyone.

One more thing, don't forget I've got beyond interviews to do, but I'll make you a deal: As soon as I get 110 reviews, I'll upload it (though perhaps not immediately after finding out), but that's only five more reviews, which isn't much really.

Well, I said it once and I'll say it again: SEE YA!!!!!!!!


	38. BI preview

Okay, now I know I promised to upload the first chapter of Beyond Interviews as soon as I got 110 reviews, but the fact is I didn't expect to get them overnight! Also, a couple of people wanted one more chapter, so I decided to give a little preview. Enjoy!

_In a time of secrets…_

"Welcome to Super Smash Brothers Humiliation!"

_One host dared to reveal them…_

"I've never interviewed a gay before!"

_Now, coming soon, you will see what happened behind the stage…_

"Join us, and together, we can overthrow the host and have revenge!"

"Why should I?"

"We've got pudding!"

"PUDDING!!!!!!!!!!!"

_And how his enemies banded to stop him…_

"YOU PIG! YOU ATE ALL MY PUDDING!!!!!!"

"There wasn't _that_ much!"

"IT WAS 50 FRIGGIN' POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I don't feel so good…….."

_And how they epically failed…._

_Coming soon…. You will be revealed how each person reacted to their humiliation… discover the wonders their interviews had on their lives forever…. and find out who ate all of Mario's pudding…._

Super Smash Brothers:

Beyond Interviews!!!!!!

_Be there…. Or you'd better be dead or in jail…. And if you're in jail, break out! BE THERE!!!!_

Okay, I stole that last part from the Simpsons, sue me. Well, there you have it. I've already said my notes to my faithful reviewers, but I have something to say to Singe Grin…

I've had enough of your B.S! I don't expect you to like every single thing I write, but that your latest review was the last straw! All I did was admit I obviously couldn't please you! And to think I thought you were the kind of guy that gave constructive criticism! Now, I see you're just another Internet Troll! A hater! A FLAMER!!!!!! And you know what I do to flamers? I put them out! That's right! You don't have to worry about flaming anymore, because I'm blocking you as soon as possible! Now, I can only say… CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!! You are the first person I've ever blocked from reviewing! I'm putting this up here so everyone can see how I reacted to the 111st review of this story! Linkwithredsox put some pretty bad things in his reviews, but I let it slide and now he even said he liked this and even favorited it last time I checked!

Anyways, to ChaosinSSBB, I just want to say I'm sorry you're not pleased with my latest chapters. I just hope this doesn't mean you'll lose hope in my other comedies or in stories similar to this one. I also hope you never end up like Singe Grin.

Well, now for the last time, at least for this story, see ya!


End file.
